Men must pay for dinner in Japan

a gentleman always pays

I think men should always pay ^^ it reflects well on you if you do. Also what do they mean by "That's really small" o.o?

agree !!!!!!

Well I was raised to pay for the meal but I've also gotten chewed out for doing just that. Depends on the woman since some like it when you pay, some like it when they pay, some like taking turns.

I've managed to experience all three too and have to say I still prefer to be the one who pays.

I don't care as long as we take turns.

when i go out i like to go dutch, it's just that when i let a man pay it makes me feel like i'm using him. or vise versa so i prefer either dutch or we take turns and we keep it as equal as possible

Just a quick not to say that when you hit the big comment button - it should disappear. Lemme know if there are problems.

Does this poll include daily outings with the girlfriend, or just dates (girlfriend or new potential)?

If it's a date, sure. If it's a lady friend, no.

@Danny: It disappears all right ;) Thank goodness for that feature. I remember when I accidentally pressed the button and it deleted all the temporary comments that I've written ^^;

A gentleman should always pay for dinner! If the lady insists, then half-and-half should be not too warm, not too cold, but just right.

I usually pay if it's just me and a friend, they usually hate when I pay for it and insist that we take turns as an excuse to see each other again =P

It really depends on the situation. To say a man should pay regardless reeks of chauvinism not chivalry--there are independent women in the world that may take it as an insult rather than a nice gesture. You just have to have an understanding of what is expected dependent upon the situation.

I really think that taking turns would be the best for everyone but that's what I say for now. I know that when I go out for dinner with a girl chances are that I'll end up insisting in paying. XD

I have no problems with paying if I'm on a date, but I'm also not going to argue if the other person wants to pay as well. ^^

I don't mind paying as long as there is 'pie' for dessert.

Men should always pay? Waw... sure looks like many only claim emancipation when it suits them.

If you invite someone, you can offer to pay, but the fact you're of the male gender shouldn't equal that you automatically have to always pay when eating out with a female companion. That's just such an outdated and sexist view of the world by categorizing the males as those in financial power who should pay for women as if they themselves were goods to be bought much like the dinner itself.

I'll often offer to pay because it's proper, but if a female friend offers to pay instead or take turns paying, I allow them to do so and not belittle them to be less equal to me by suggesting I should always pay based on the baseless assumption as male I'd be wealthier or as such purchasing their company.

If they're the one to ask the woman out, they totally should pay.
If she asked him out.... she *could* pay, but it still seems better for the guy to pay.

My friend Will has thrown all these rule out the window by making his poor girlfriend pay for him lots of times. She doesn't mind though lol.

Ah this isn't ONLY for Japan, similar behaviour for some women in Hong Kong is cropping up as well.

Some deliberately take men to really expensive restaurants, and I heard that the moment men starts to comment that it seems expensive, some women will backfire that "it's the man's job and pride to pay woman at such luxurious place".

The problem is not that it should be polite for a man to pay, but that a woman *automatically* expects the man to pay and frowns upon any hesitation. Such things with other similar attitudes are sometimes known as a "princess symptom" in Hong Kong, where a woman wants a lot from man and gets all into bad mood etc when even little things don't satisfy her.

While the equity between men and women are becoming more realised, sometimes I see that some of the women, but not all or hopefully not the majority, demand way too much from the men. Especially true for high stress environment just like many places in Asia, and this has perhaps made dating much more difficult compared to say Europe or in America etc.

Hmm i recently paid a lot of meals for my friends, though we are all girls and they buy me stuff and mini presents all the time and so on - so we are sort of equal on the financial sector. ;)

In consideration of women and men - i think it depends on the occasion!
If something for the women is celebrated i would expect the guy to pay.
Just a normal dinner together - depends on the relationship.
And so on...

Personaly i prefer to pay for myself... i don't like to be given stuff for free unless i did work for it's payback for a favor i did to the person paying for me. :)

It's the same here in the US. Men always end up paying for dinner.

well since i'm a ronery and i dont have a job, this hasn't happened to me thus i haven't think about it xD. But i agree that men should pay ^-^ is just the right thing to do i believe.

Trouble is when you end up letting the ladie pay you feel like a super loser.

Considering paying dinner situation, actually none of the options of this poll would fit for me.
Basically, my company provides us restaurant coupons (8 euros per coupon in my case => 10.5$ or 1050Y) to be used for lunch or dinner. As it's not possible to use them in our onsite cantine, I use them at restaurant. Same statement applies for most of my friends...so it's our company who indirectly pay for dinner ^^;

Does DC member's companies provide to them some help (coupon or extra money or anything else...) for lunch or dinner ?

I don't really mind paying for once in awhile ~
As for a date, it's a totally different story.

as long as she doesnt orders the most expensive appetizer,entree,wine and dessert then i dont mind paying

Well, believing in sex equity, I do not think a guy should be force to pay the bill and like some others said, some woman could take offence if you alway wanted to pay the bill. I for myself think it loose any meaning if you HAVE to do it every time. So yeah, call me cheap or anything but I'm not the kind that will alway pay the bill. On the other hand, once in a while I feel like paying and like an unexpected gift, has much more meaning imo.

I'm from a chinese family and I know exactly what you mean.
Making a scene in a restaurant and fighting for the bill, must be an honour thing lol.
Sometimes if we see people we know on a different table we even pay for their bill.
Happen much to anyone else?

I think it's sort of rude for anyone to *expect* someone to pay for things based on some outdated, sexist rules. If it's a date, and he's the one who asked, then yes, he should pay. But the same applies to her.

I've always known my friends and girlfriends well enough that it's not an issue. If one of us is short, the other(s) cover(s) it. If both/all of us are short, we eat in. XD It's not really an issue. We all know what's going on before we go eat, or go somewhere that costs money.

For me,no matter with who,i'll always try to pay for the meal
indonesian foods are cheap.......

Usually go dutch with my girlfriend. Sometimes she pays all for me, and sometimes i do the same.

Anyhows, we really never had any problems on who's gonna pay and other stuff like that.

I don't know...maybe its just really different when your dating and when you are already lovers.

For me when you love someone, those things don't bother really bother you anymore.

I always pay unless my date insists on paying.

I figure, why not take turns? Or better yet, have a competition to see who pays! We'll play a round of Mario Kart DS; loser pays the bill, winner pays the tip! Beats jan-ken-pon, no?

I've never been on a date, but working at a coffee shop, I see lots more people playfully declaring that they'll pay instead of their friend. Which just goes back and forth, as per your example... Sometimes they knock the other person's debit/credit/gift card away with their own, like a sword fight! Well, if it were a real sword fight, it'd make work a lot more interesting...

I would pay all the time, but I know some would want to take turns too... then again it's not like I go out on dates >.>

I paid for my Japanese lady friend when she visited me over here, and she promised to treat me when I get to Japan.

Should I treat her anyways D:

So now women don't want equality. F that, it's taking turns.

I don't mind paying for it but I'm single haven't thought of having a girlfriend cause I wanna concentrate on my study first v^^v

I think that it's best for the guy to pay... But if it's between guys, let the richest dude fork the bills... LOL

Hm... well, if the guy asked the girl out and doesn't pay for the meal, then that's annoying. And stingy. Especially if it's a first date.

Then afterwards, I don't know... take turns? Depends on how the girl's like too.

I feel more comfortable paying, but I am all about arguments for otherwise. For example, if I happen to have a meal with someone who happens to be female and I have no interest in her or she is otherwise of no benefit to me, I would be tempted not to pay. At some point sexual roles need to give way to practical matters.

I recall a very bitter moment when I woke up one day... was buying lunch not only for myself but for my friend and two women. It was quite clear the women weren't interested in me and were quite comfortable with my paying their way. In no uncertain terms, this spells out "me being used." So I actually announced that it was quite clear that I had the interest of neither female and that they are otherwise of no use to me and then declared the outing at an end.

One of the women were shocked. The other in tears rushing off to a pay phone. Women tend to take too much for granted where men are concerned and generally believe it is acceptable to use men for free meals, gifts and event tickets. I cannot subscribe to that point of view. I was born with a particular genital configuration but that does not mean I am here to be used.

this is why I always have cheap first dates. That way if things don't work out then I didn't waste a lot of money. And once your in a relationship I think you should go dutch (though I'll still pay all myself once in a while).

I agree, gentlemen should always pay. But sometimes it's nice to take turn =), it's not about fair or even; I would take turn and pay for my boyfriend to appreciate his effort & thank him for taking me out on a date.

Going dutch or taking turns is all good for me.

Lol, Chinese "I'll pay" arguments. I see those all the time xD

Well, it depends tho. But many couples that I know in my home country usually split their bill, or sometimes the man pays for the woman in special occasions... It's just the norm in my home country that man doesn't always have to pay the woman if he's not working yet (i.e : high school couples).
But if the man has already have work.... well duh.

>"I'll pay"
>"No I'll pay!"
>"No *I'll* pay!"
>"No no no! i'lllllll pay!"
>"Aiyaaaa"

True that. I even have personal experience when my mom and her sister trying their best to pay the bill when we were traveling OVERSEAS. They were arguing so hard that even the waitress was laughing at them. It's kinda embarassing, but really funny at the same time tho ^^;

some girls like to pay, some girls expect the men to pay. Wish I had a girl who likes to pay...

I am pretty old-fashioned when it comes to dating so I will pay if it's a date. If it's just hanging around with friends I see no reason to not just pay for what you had. Also, if you have been dating a long time paying for every meal can get pricey, so I usually go dutch for a couple meals if it gets serious. I'm in college gimme a break!

Saying that the man must always pay for the meal is as sexist as saying the woman's place in the the kitchen.

Now if I ask the girl out yes I'm paying for the meal. But if it is just bunch of friends hanging out everybody pays for their own food.

my boyfriend and I split the bill on every ordinary meal. But if it's a special outing, it should be whoever's idea it was to invite the other, to be the one to pay.

I think taking turns would normally be the best idea, but I love to treat people all the time, so I tend to want to pay for the bill. :p

I also tend to go to expensive places, sooo I wouldn't feel right letting anyone else pay when I suggest going somewhere expensive. xD

This is something that bothers me but not the way the article has it written up. I do agree that if a man ask's a woman out then yes he should pay but I also think if a woman ask's a man out that she should pay, after a few more dates then it should be dutch or turns. I'm not sure how it is in Japan but in the US women fought for the right to be treated as equals but only in the sense that they could vote and wanted to work and get the same benefits but when it comes to small things like killing spiders or paying for dinner ect ect ect.

Lol! I can totally relate that to my family. My parents always win the war with their signature "I need to go to the bathroom" tactic.~ :3

Haha I can relate with the fighting over the check stuff :P Haven't done it myself but I've been there many times when my parents or others were doing it.

Hay, I'm happy to play by the gender archetype if she is.

its simple the guy pays

If your out on a date the guy pays to impress the girl and to be polite
If your with your girlfriend you still pay because its the right thing to do
and if its your wife you pay because your the man of the house

simple men should always pay regardless of the situation it just shows that they are gentlemen

Well, it depends on the woman, really. She needs to make up her mind who she is.

If she wants to be a fragile creature unable to support herself without the men in her life like the women from a few centuries back, then I have no problem paying. Of course, that will mean starting out poorly on the negotiation table, since I'm the one holding the chips.

However, if she wants to be a modern woman of the 21st century who wants equal pay, equal career promotion opportunities, expects her husband to do his share of the housework, and is able to take care of herself, then I ask only that she practice equal rights of payment. Equality isn't something you choose only when it suits your purpose.

The 3rd way is to be financially independent and yet make someone else pay for movies, dinner, gifts, taxi and every small thing. Now that is what I call petty, stingy and having a delusional sense of self-importance. Then again, as they say, a fool and his money is soon parted.

in my case, we always take turns to pay.(if not dating or with friends)
if dating..............the guys always pay!
if between reletives, strike first or end up losing(that means, go to the counter and pay or stuff a credit card or cash direcly into the waiter's plate)

i feel sorry for the waiters n waitress to endure all the fuss paying the bill, but everybody just wants to feel good about it.

I think paying for someone whether guy or girl, should be out of good intentions. It shouldn't be an issue about standards.

Meh, I'll go Swedish instead and while I'm there will order some tasty pie also.

While I always like to pay for my (girl)friend's meals every time we go out, I don't mind if we take turns. It shows good characters from the both of us- I don't have dolphin insecurities nor does she come out as a gold digger.
And that's soooo true about Chinese families, it IS embarassing xD. Sometimes they even get into physical action over it too o_o

For a first date? Absolutely. Making a good impersonation is worth the piddling costs involved. Splitting costs shouldn't even really come up unless you're in a somewhat stable relationship since a lot of women look for financial security, imo. Call it sexist if you want but unless you plan on being single for a long, long time expect to pony up the cash to cover the costs a lot.

I'd never not pay if I was having a meal with a girl (or my mum :P), otherwise I'd pay my share or take turns.

I was out for a meal the other day with a big bunch of friends, about 15 or so people. Each of us had a starter at about £6ish and a main at £13ish. One friend had to leave half way through, and when we asked for the bill, turned out she'd paid for the WHOLE THING without even saying a word - well over £200, probably closer to £300. Nice, but very weird.

I usually pay although sometimes she will pick up the tab, usually if she wants to eat something expensive and then picks the place. ^-^

The family/relatives aruging over who to pay is ok, but it's after that if the one who pays then grumbles about doing so which is a turn off.

Personally, I don't mind paying after the first date. We should share the responsibility of paying for dinner.

Greetings ¬

I guess, I have a standard when it comes to this topic.

I always *pay* especially *if* I asked a woman out for night about, its the reasonable, gentleman way to do things. - Especially on the first date...

Then if things are progressing... then it's up to a "mutual decision" (imo), as to who pays for what, its only the right thing to do.

If the relationship is *rock* solid, each "know" each others quirks completely (by now), then its fully understandable that *both* share. - This is what makes a relationship, equal, respectful, and solid in all respects.

Now, I have been in situations were the woman asked me, and she paid for the night out, this occurred in the mid-80's.
I considered that GREAT, unique, unusual, and I was actually impressed, it made me feel (to be honest) awkward at first, but, after thinking about it, it brought things out in the open more.

I agree ~ Men should pay for it all - *first* - and see how it goes along.
However, ladies ~ I think ~ should not take advantage of it (also).. because I knew some who took advantage of the men's situation and - *drained* - them out quickly....

I realize that there are *HIGH Maintenance* women out there, so its also a policy (for me) to be very blunt, and clear out the BS, before asking, and before any relationship occurs...
Especially now-a-days, since things have changed with in the relationships of today.

After all, yesterdays ways are not always accepted in today's society.

Respects!

I believe that both sexes are fair. Not just to save my wallet, and because I don't respect my mate. However the general consensus that says men should pay for women is flat out sexiest and is saying "men are better than women". Then you get women that say "I don't think that's true, I believe women are equel to or greater than men". However women will still take the free meal as a convenience to them. Or maybe it's just "Women are better than men, that's why men need to treat us". However then you get into an area where "Women are objects to be won and fought over".

It can be pushed back and forth. In the end, I solute the independant women who work just as hard as men in the real world, and create their own lives for themselves. The ideology that women should stay at home, while the men work, again unbalances the sexes.

If I was taking talking her out 'on a date' I would gratefully pay however, on more casual occasions we would usually 'Go dutch'. I am poorcat :(

Meet a girl in a bar or go out on dates, you pay for the first 2 meals / drinks, she pays for the third. Whether she takes you out for a hotdog or buys you a coke it doesn't matter.

I think men should always pay. Unless the girl requests because she's a feminist or something lol

Every Chinese family I know, including my own, ALWAYS argue about who's paying for dinner, even if it's been previously decided. It's just for politeness I think xD

Heres my take on this.. Beginnning of a relationship.. Yeah Guy should pay! And a Woman shouldn't not pay as it were. By that I mean, Guy is paying out the ying yang to take some girl out, who he finds interesting. So she should reciprocate, (Not sex btw) But, she should make it obvious she appreciates him doing this. Been on too many dates, ya pay out the backside for a girl.. and she still cold shoulders ya butt.

Now, after the relationship has moved past dating in .. steady relationship.. No more Guy only pay.. Girl being a good an equal part of the relationship, should offer at the very least!!! to pay for a meal or two. Make the guy feel like he's not going it alone out there.

But who am I fooling, today women are mostly so selffish and egotistical.. they honestly believe men should lick their boots for just getting an ounce of their company..

Bah!! Now I'm angry

While I do believe that when a man does ask a girl out on a date, he should pay. But I also think that there are times when a woman should embrace the modern ways in society and also ask a guy out... Much less offer to pay.

I never did believe that a man or woman should be put into certain arch-types when it comes to business, dating, relationships, etc. It should be nothing more than what kind of role they want and if it will work in the environment they want to be in, or with the person they want to be with. If not, then it is a simple case of compromise or move on.

Besides... A gentleman, in my opinion, is one who treats a lady as if she is the most important person in that room. By giving her the respect and admiration she deserves should be more important than having to pay for her meals and the like.

A lady should simply respect that and maybe offer to pay for the meals from time to time, opposed to having expectations that could clean out her date's wallet very quickly. Something like that could result in short dates and even shorter relationships. (Which is also why I try offering my dates a homemade dinner prepared by me, when or if they choose to go on another date with me. :3)

But I also believe in going dutch, especially when the girl is nothing more than a friend. :3

I don't take much out of my cantonese heritage but I think the massive fighting over taking the bill is absolutely hilarious.

I would prefer to take turns. If the guy makes the first move and asks me out, he can pay the first round. But if he keeps on insisting in that irritating "Omg you're a girl must help you even when you don't need it" sort of way. . . that's a VERY quick way to break it off with me. Actually, that attitude pisses me off so much it doesn't matter how it shows up; the more frequently he expresses that attitude, the higher the chance I won't be returning his calls. >.<

Anyway, I believe the two halves of a couple should be able to view and treat each other as true equals. Taking turns at paying (and in the case of more expensive bills splitting it) is a good way to express that.

Usually I pay, but I dislike girls who thinks that "Men should always pay"

It depends on the person really on how things will work out, I always offer to pay and always do 90% of the time unless they decide they want to pay for a meal but I usually argue that I pay for the meal. On two other occasions I got asked out by a girl though and she payed for the meal was really weird, and the other girl just went on four or five dates with me and didn't even have any interest in me at all after the first date, but neither of these two worked out anyway.
WHERE HAVE THE NICE GIRLS GONE TO?!?! jk :P

It depends on the situation, really.

The other day me and my girlfriend met up with her sister for dinner, and we all got separate bills, but if I'm taking my girlfriend to a nice restaurant as a date, then I'll pay for her.

She doesn't seem to mind going dutch on most things like lunches, ordering pizza etc.
but, she still gets mad at me for not offering to pay for her on our first date. I suppose I'm lucky that she gave me a second chance XD

I usually insist on paying no matter who I'm with...

I would certainly hope so...a real man always pays for a woman, even if he's just comping it ;)

I know those embarrassing moments where chinese parent argue for the bill. Gets quite annoying.

yummy din dins, and as for paying if the girl insists more than twice, I say just suck it up and go along ^^

I agree with the whole idea that "Men shoudl pay for the women's food when they eat out together"
but that of course unless the girl offers her portion which in certain occasions happen.
If she wishes to share the bill then share don't deny her cause.

If men should always pay for dinner... how can we have the money to buy GUNPLA? :D
or at least, not "we", but "I"... ^^

it's good to be single :D

if it's a dinner with a female friend, I'd say go dutch... if it's a dinner with someone I like, we should take turns. I have GUNPLA to take care when I got home :D

If she made me pay all the time, I would just dump her.

I think if a bloke askes a woman out then he should atleast OFFER to pay. If the woman says no then so be it. Of course I also reckon that goes both ways. If a girl asks a man out then she should be the one offering to pay. If she asks him out, then expects him to pay I don't think that sets a good tone for the rest of the relationship. Simply: if it was your idea, take responsibility.

Normally me and my girlfriend dutch it. I think I paid for one meal out of my own pocket, and that was because it was the first time out and she was broke at the time... I later wound up in trouble with her mother for not getting her to cover half the bill ^^; But I've always worked on the theory of what goes around comes around.

That said: I think dutching is a better option than taking turns. If you're taking turns then the urge is there to reciprocate either at the same or greater value... which just sort of spirals.

I always pays the bill while on a date, I just think it's something I should do... especially if I really like the girl... my ex didn't like seeing me paying for everything and actually went to pay the bill before I ask for it... She is quite forceful some times.. but hey, I do have to be relieved when I don't really have any dough during a date..^^

My opinion is that when they just having a first lunch or dinner together, the male should pay for the it as a sign of courtesy. When they have been together for a long time, I think they could take turns or pay 50:50.

My opinion is that when they just having a first lunch or dinner together, the male should pay for the it as a sign of courtesy. When they have been together for a long time, I think they could take turns or pay 50:50.

I don't think the man of the date should always pay bill unless its the first date of course. The man shouldn't have to always pay every time he goes on a date with his woman. Like most people say 50/50 is a good idea or whoever asks to go out to eat should be the one to pay because obviously they are the one who gave the invitation.

A guy should be able to pay the bill when taking a girl out to dinner. Its not only being a gentlemen but your date will like you more for it.

Now it comes to my mind, where did all my money went~~~~~~~~~~~

that's the thing..if a guy doesn't pay he's thought of as either a tight-ass,ungentlemanly or a loser BUT its OK if the lady doesn't have to pay even though she is well capable of doing so..do women ever bother to realize in some instances its our way or 'allowing' you women to feel independent & in control? LoL...its true men are from 'Ur-anus' & women are from Mars so they say.

hey Danny..linked you on my so called 'geek-blog' as a KL lady friend has told me what our genre of blogs are..been a HUGE fan since your early trooper wearing days..rock on Danny!

Bah real chivalry cannot be measured in terms of something as base as money. However, something is just not right the woman counterpart in a couple 'truly in love' insists in you paying all the time....

I don't always pay for others when going out with someone especially girls that never folk out any money at all which one should take turns for paying.

Whenever I go out with, my friends and I always shares the payment or either split up the bill or one pays all then another place the other person pays all.

If I were to encounter any girl who never help/take turns to pays for the food and keep on asking guy to pay all of it, this will be the last for the last to hang out with her. I can imagine that when I marry a girl like that, sooner or later she will leave me for another rich guy and our relationship never last longer where I will be sleeping at a street everyday with a broke face. ^^;;

going on dates will get very expensive if the guy has to pay double all the time ^^; I normally insist on going dutch if I am not interested in the guy romantically tho LOL!

TAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIGGGGGAAAA!!!!!!!
<33333

I'm a guy, but I still think we should pay for dinner if we were the ones that asked them out. If it was just breakfast that is a different story.

If I was asking a girl out on a date then generally speaking, I would pay for it. Now, after that, I guess it should be a time to time basis. Personally, I would pay for the meal and if my date wanted to pay for tickets to say like a movie than that wouldn't bother me. I don't necessarily think that the guy should always get stuck paying for everything when you go out. I think you should take turns paying for things or split up costs for things to make it more equal.

I would never mind paying even if she wants to go out!

I witness the "who will pay game" every time my family eats out with other families.

I myself am a guy and think that well generally guys would pay for things, but I myself believe that the bill should be split between the two people.

I generally go dutch - did when I was dating, and do now when I go out to eat casually. We're all poor students, so we fend for ourselves. I did offer to pay when I first started dating, but my then-girlfriend was well aware of the budget constraints we had so she wasn't about to make me pay for everything.

I do like the concept of chivalry, and had I the means I would offer to pay. But it shouldn't be something expected of the man. If I'm paying for some, then I really hope she appreciates it instead of taking it for granted.

After all this modern gender-equality stuff, it's hypocrisy of the worst sort to expect the man to pay. If you want the freedom, equal opportunity, and respect in life and relationships, then you should expect to take the good along with the bad. As Eva mentioned above somewhere, Equality isn't a banner to be waved only when it suits you.

hahahaha so true about the chinese family members arguing conversation ^^;;; and it's really something when one's father starts wrestling one's grandmother for the check ^^;;;;;

To me, it depends. Ideally, I want to pay for all meals. Especially if my girl does not have a job, I will pay for all meals. However, most of the time I either go dutch or I pay for the meals.

Most of the time...i would be the one who insist on paying but there're time when i went with my gf(well ex now), she would give me "i'll pay, dont argue with me" looks...and i just back down >____<

take turns~ so that we don't further strengthen the Gender Stereotypes..

Maybe that kind of thinking is the reason why i don't like to have a GF....(yet...)

My parents are more traditional and say that the men should pay.

Meh...I don't always like the idea of men paying.

It's like women don't make enough money to pay for themselves.

If the man wants to pay, then alright. But if he doesn't want to then I guess it's okay.

What does it mean to go dutch?

I really wants that taiga,sad that the anime ended

My parents try to pay the bill when eating out with guest, but it doesn't end up strangling each other. ^^;

I think men paying to impress a girl is very alluring/very nice/impressive, but women just expecting men to pay because of the sex differences is quite a douchebaggery attitude.

Ladies, offer to pay half of the bill; nobody's made of money and it should be common courtesy.

i always like to pay when i'm on a date, but i also like it when the woman insists that she pays instead. i see to it that we take turns like i'll pay for the dinner and how about you get us some drinks/desserts. ^_^

It's normal for guys to pay. This reminded me of an episode of The Office where Pam was told if she ordered the most expensive thing on the menu she had to put out. LOL.

when I go out to eat with my "girl" friend not gf ...you know what I mean....I usually pay for the dinner, but sometimes the money goes back to me in some form or the other. example: found money in my jacket's pocket or in my car with a thank you note or I got treated to like lunch or snacks when we hangs out and she stole the bill and can't get it from her as it would make me look like a criminal.

now we just divide up the bill as that way we don't feel like owing each other or anything
or
take turns - I choose to pay for the super expensive meal and make her pay for the less expensive meal XD

As I'm from a Chinese background...when my relatives fight for paying the bill..I usually just say "movie time" and it will take them at least 5 minutes to finish the fight for the bill. Once I actually just rip the bill off my relatives' hand and pay it as they were taking forever.

well, chivalry is not dead, i always pay. but then sometimes those sneaky girl friendss would pretend to sneak off to the washroom and pay the bills ><

so now we all usually take turns. equality at it's best, haha.

danny you're spot on on the chinese family thing. it ALWAYS happens to me too. lol.

no one ever thought of both not paying the bill and just run away together? that sounded fun

I would pay for it... If i ever do bother myself with getting a girl that is.

I always pay for stuff when I'm with girls.. although some of my female friends will sometimes yell at me when I do. >_<

the most simple idea is:
if you can make her pay without saying anything
{
you succeed
}
else
{
you're paying, no questions ask
}

yeup, always pay... and if the chick insists on paying- 2nd date LMAO
you just gotta be slick and do the "im using the restroom or brb thing"
i just feel awkward sometimes when i eat out with some friends and they skimp on the tip and i have to really lay it down
sigh

I come from a Chinese family and it is true. Extended family dinners turn into mild yelling matches near the end about who pays. Not who has to pay but who WANTS to pay.

Well the gentelmenly thing to do would be for the man to pay.
Which is what I was purposly raised to be, a gentlemen, so I like to think I would always pay, or at the very least offer. Although I've never actually been in a situation where there was any girl there to pay for. ^^;

Take turns at first, but as the relationship progresses the guy should take more responsibility of paying.

For me, it would depend on the woman. If the woman is all about equality, then she doesn't deserve to be treated like a lady. I'm not saying that such women shouldn't be treated with respect, but rather that chivalry should be beneath them. If not, then she's not worth my time. To me, the only women who deserve to be treated like a lady are ladies.

hrm, I think it's also important to consider the financial situation of the parties involved...
like if he's a college student and she already works full-time, she can pay more often... they shouldn't have to stop going on dates only because it's the end of the month and he's run out of cash... (that's not my situation though)
I'm happy if my boyfriend pays for me, but I also want to pay. Because I can feed him as well xD It's a modern society, isn't it? Taking turns is fine ^_^

Woman need money for their shopping, Men need money for Figures!!!

I think it's natural for men to pay for dinner, but It doesn't mean every times.

Alright, first my stand on this topic. If it was me, then I would pay for the food because that's whats usually expected. Now I'm not saying that if it wasn't like that that I wouldn't pay, its just that its become a norm of society, that depending on how men take care of their financial expenses shows their reliability when it comes to money. For example, in one of Mr. Choo's articles I remember reading, it was about a girl who brought her boyfriend to her parents, who laughed at him for the amount of money he made (I think it was like $22,000 a year or something like that.) What should be done is that both men and women should pay in an almost equal sense, thought probably it depends if the woman is expecting more from the guy. This is just an opinion of what I think on this topic.

I think that people, regardless of gender, should share the duty of paying for meals, whether that be through splitting the bill or through taking turns. If one half of a couple has financial problems, then I can see why it might be more convenient for the other to pay all or most of the time, but gender should never factor into it. For first dates, it's probably better for the person who did the actual asking to offer to pay, but once you're in a relationship, things should be equal.

I really don't like the idea of it being 'gentlemanly' to pay for things. People should offer to pay because they're decent people, not because they feel it's their duty as an upstanding member of a certain gender. Having a man always pay for meals seems like an imbalance in the relationship, and an unpleasant throwback to traditional ideas about gender.

I hate having people (of any gender) pay for me because then I feel like I owe them something, which makes me uncomfortable.

I usually take turns. Sadly the girls I do this with are usually friends, and therefore not dating material.

The idea of the man paying comes from the long ages when women were economically dependent on men. That situation is gradually changing.

yumm looks good to me. and affordiable, that's like THE most important thing nowadays hahah

men should always pay

and women may repay later with their body

Funny thing is, I actually wanted to pay for my last date, but the girl insisted on going Dutch. Well, atleast I tried being a gentleman, but got off cheaper ^^;

they should take turns.

equal share.
but men will pay the extra tax if needed.

I think men and women should take turns when paying. Sure, men paying the bills everytime is fine and all but if the girl insists then you shouldn't stop her. I'm sure she'll feel bad letting you pay all the time, right? In a relationship, you both should sacrifice x_x

But when it comes to me, I'm rather protective of my money. Whenever me and my fiends go out to eat together, unless they ask me to pay, I won't bring out a single cent from my wallet. This is one of the reasons why I think I'll never have a girlfriend LOL XD

For me, I pay the bill if I'm dating someone who is not yet my girlfriend. If she become my girlfriends, then I'll let her know my financial status (she'll pity me :D) and wait for her to insist to have paying into turns... lol

Men should always pay for dinner.

That's why I don't have a girlfriend.

I really don't get this social taboo thing where guys are supposed to pay for dinner in Japan (and also in Korea). I hate it, and I hope I get to date a girl who knows how to pay for dinner (that's why I don't have one)

By the way, is it true that Japanese McDonalds(Makudonarudo~) have a deal for congratulating the World Baseball Classic? My friend said that they sell some burgers for 200 yen O_o

As a woman, of course men should always pay for dinner! Saves me a lot of money, right? ^^

No but seriously, the idea that the man always should pay is just stupid. If you both eat, you both pay. We live in the 21th century now, so that should be obvious I think. (Although I am aware of that this isn't so obvious in many countries)

A bit weird that such topics still holds up...but it could be worse i guess...

In this "Modern" world we live in, it should be equally split between Men and Women. If this was the good old times, I the Man, would be more then happy to pay for it all.

Definitely men and women need to take turns. I do hate it when my mom and her friends eat out together. They always try to fight over the check and sometimes pretend to go to the bathroom and instead handing their credit card to the waiter secretly lol ><

I put mine on ebay.
Here is a link to what I'm selling at the moment. New Yuki Nagato Revoltech is here.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=300301605737&_trksid=p3907.m32&_trkparms=tab%3DSelling

I can relate to the Chinese fighting over the bill thing. Since my parents have moved to the US they have come to see how ridiculous it looks to be fighting for the bill. I feel most Americanize Chinese have come to realize this so instead it's the in to see who outsmarts the other and snags the bill first, lol.

I asked her out, but she payed, because I wasn't expecting to dinner and she convided me (to dinner) anyway. Aiyaaaa!

It is really simple for us guys. If it's a business lunch be prepared to pay. Just a casual outing, be prepared to pay. If you ask her out and you know she is interested in you. Well, I think you know what I will say. ^^

Maybe MSN's survey is being biased with the answers they chose though...

Last time I heard anything about couples dating in Japan (which was about a week ago), the report said that the majority of couples go dutch after the first few dates.
Maybe the women who answered this survey thought they were asking about the first date, and I would agree that guys should pay for the first few dates IF they asked the girl out. Eventually though, I think it makes sense to go dutch because it gives a sense of equality to the relationship.

If it's a guy and a girl who are friends going out, I think they should always go dutch (unless it's someones birthday XD).

I'm not entirely sure myself, Danny, but it looks like the Karby Beef set from Matsuya. Even the salad bowl, the sauce bottle and the side dish menu looks similar to Matsuya's.

it depends on the relationship the man has with the girl.

- scenario 1, the guy is interested in the girl.
then the guy should always pay. it reflect well on them.

- scenario 2, the guy and girl are friends.
then it's fine for them to go dutch or take turns.

- scenario 3, the most complicated of them all, the guy is interested in the girl but doesn't want it to look too obvious and the girl might or might not be interested in the guy at all.

the most tricky scenario of all. in this case, the guy should always pay since he is interested in the girl. but if he do this all the time, the girl might get conscious and insist she pays him back. generally if that case, the guy shouldn't accept her money and should say she can pay for their next meal. this way, u are guaranteed another date with her. ^^;

whoever doesn't have money, doesn't pay.

I think whoever asks the person out should pay. Like, person 1 asks person 2 out, person 1 should pay. after awhile they should take turns (or each person pays for their part of the meal so you don't get screwed if the other person orders something expensive. x.x).

I think it depends on the situation. If a guy I am getting to know asks me out on a date I do kind of expect him to pay, just as I would if I asked someone out. But once you are actually in the relationship, past getting to know each other, then I feel it should be more of a take turns (or go dutch) kind of thing.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a couple of years and it has become an unwritten rule that if one of us suggests going out to eat whoever suggested it pays. Except when I didn't have a job, there were times I wanted to go out to eat (inexpensive places) and he kindly took me then paid the tab. :)

a gentlemen always pay...not always!
taking turns is perfectly fine once you're dating. A girl would be happy to treat you too once in awhile!
but sure if you're asking a girl out, then yes you should pay.

for me, it's not really the job of man to always give something (in this case pay for the money) and not always the job of women to receive something without giving in a relationship (in this case getting paid for the meal). The part of relationship is sharing, where a couple take turns to give and receive something at the same time, not always with the stereotype that being a guy always have to give while the women always become the one who always receive without giving something to the men. A proper relationship is where the couple want to share everything even from the most simple things like paying for a meal. =D

Some people say "chivalry is dead," or "it's a world of equality so they should each have to pay the same"—but I honestly try to be a nice, genuinely chivalrous guy, and for me that means opening and closing the car door for her; holding the restaurant door for her; pulling out her chair at the table and taking her coat; and picking up the check after dinner. If a girl has a problem with me being a nice guy and treating them like a princess, then I probably wouldn't want a second date with them anyway.

Looking at it from the other side though, it shouldn't be something that should be expected of guys as normal treatment, or something that it's insulting to not do, but it should be an appreciated quality and behavior for the guy to willingly put the girl's care and comfort before his own. And from yet a third side, the guy of course shouldn't impose on the girl that he always pay; if the girl wants to show her appreciation for how the guy treats her by paying for the meal occasionally, he shouldn't complain. :P

Meh it depends. Using daddy's money to treat a girl is pretty much the same as your dad is the one "feeding" your lady friend. But if it is just a sandwich or a burger once in a while, then I guess it is fine.

This seemingly trivial issue about who ought to be the one paying actually reflects a lot about the state of the relationship (if you two are already dating); or, it shows what kind of person you are dating.

A mentally independent lady counterpart, for example, would tend to prefer paying for herself, or even treating you once in a while. A persistence to constantly act as the giver might actually strain the relationship if that is the case. She will find your generosity overwhelming and an undermining of her pride. Suffice it to say, the conclusion is that the answer depends on what is the best way to maintain a healthy relationship.

P.S. Screw chivalry. lol

haha almost no woman I know would let only the guy pay... or they would offer even though they would prefer you to pay.

LoL Danny! fighting for the bill must be universal asian thing to do. another japanese way is the person who just got their paycheck usually pays lolz

when I go on out with a female, I just be a ninja and pay for it in the background by excusing myself to the restroom. but I notice that they tried to do the same next time lol ever going battle!

hmmm looks tasty (^ω^)　It shouldn't be only the men that should pay for lunch, maybe more than the woman but taking turns would be the best!

>"I'll pay"
>"No I'll pay!"
>"No *I'll* pay!"
>"No no no! i'lllllll pay!"
>"Aiyaaaa"

That's so true everytime my folks go out for a meal with family or friends. xD

Or perversely, they're trying to see who will end up having the bill so they actually don't have to pay AND still save face by pretending they want to.

So Danny's scenario would read like this:
>"I'll pay" = If I start first, then he'll definitely have to offer to pay.
>"No I'll pay!" = Now that I've retaliated, he's gonna pay.
>"No *I'll* pay!" = Oh no you don't!
>"No no no! i'lllllll pay!" = How's this for a forceful comeback!?
>"Aiyaaaa" = Oh shit!

I think it's only natural that men should pay
however...there are circumstances...
I mean it's okay for the girls to pay if it's his birthday / special day
or she asked him out
but a gentleman will always pay...it's true
personally I find that going dutch is always the best way
...*laugh*

If the man is serious about the girl he is dating, then sure, man should always pay in such situations.

If the man and the girl are just friends or work colleagues, then it's best to go dutch so as to be fair to all parties. Or at least that's my take on this.

I WANT THAT AISAKA TAIGA figure!!!!
=3

Men should NOT always pay.

A girl who has little money, and a guy who has lots of money: It is ok for the guy to pay. However, this distorts the relationship to be more about money. It is not wrong, but you should be aware of what it is at face value.

Both of them have only a little bit of money: this is the common scenario (students). The bill should be split. Occasional payment by either party is ok.

Both have lots of money: It is ok for the guy to pay. However when large amounts are involved discretion should be used.

Guy/girl has lots/little money: SAME AS THE OPPOSITE SITUATION.

I think a gentleman should pay, but also, a lady shouldn't count on it and should show her appreciation.

if it is a date then the man should pay, if the two people have been in a relationship then it can be discussed prior, maybe taking turns.

I am old-fashioned, I don't pretend to understand how kids today throw away traditions like this... ^^

There will never really be equality between men and women, coz men are born men and women are born women. Besides, there would be no fun if there aren't any differences between men and women, right? ^_^;

Well, there are the social "rules" for each gender, but then we can still choose to do what we prefer. And what we choose to do affects what we get in the end.

Personally, if I'm just going out with a friend then I would pay my own expenses, but I might also offer to pay for some small stuffs. A guy that doesn't offer to pay won't be seen negatively, but if he offers to pay, then I could see that he's generous (as long as it's just small suffs coz otherwise it would feel a bit uncomfortable) and doesn't have issues with money and such.
When it comes to long term relationships, I'd prefer to pay in turns, as I think that both can contribute to the expenses. Girls can only pamper their bfs right? ^_~ But well, in my case, since I'm still a poor student, my bf is the one who pays the most. T_T; But well, when I get a job and become rich in the future, I'll pamper him more. X3

But anyways, we don't really have to be so serious about who pays more, it actually depends on how it works better for each couple/person. What's more important is that both sides' feelings are honest to each other. ^_^

A hostess once told me,
if you make a woman pay,
her woman-VALUE DROPS.

Well my wife and I just think that the money we make is ours, not one of us; so its not the same if your not married I know. If you really close though, it would be kind of the same if you both love each other, and foreseen money issues as if both of you are one. Asking someone out is another issue, but on many dates that a guy pay's, it should be a automatic on the women side that both of you like each other, and so; the women might just pay on some of the dates. If that is understood both would eventually have a understand. Then again if a women flat out just want the guy to pay all the time, well then; that's just sucks. I do pay 95% of the time. I do not like paying all the time. meaning the other person should have a understanding of a stable relationship. This is my opinion.

Excuse me....i thougt ladies insisted on equal rights these days...if it's so, then what's the problem for lady to pay but i'm not saying that lady should pay the bill all the time and so do men...so i think sharing bill would be the best.

totally agree with ninja poo bear.i use to pay all the time , even if it some girl that i am not interested in.. but i do tihnk that a girl should pay or a least offer to once in a while , its quite refreshing if a girl offers to pay for a movie ticket or something.. that should be the way forward but as things are in the asia part of the world i guess us guys just have to bear with it i guess

My girlfriend and I pretty much take turns, although I treat her more, but thats just how it should be anyways.

Japan's Best answer

「相手が同じ年or年下ならなんとも思わないけど、年上の人だったらちょっと器が小さいかな」（22歳）
「脈がないか、ケチな人なのかな、と」（24歳）
　　～お姉さんの壁～
「ケチな男は嫌い！」（26歳）
「自分に気がないのだと思う」（26歳）
「ちっさい」（27歳）
「元々ケチなのか、特別な人にしかおごらないのか、わからないから様子見」（27歳）
「ケチ。もしくは自分には気がないのかと思う」（29歳）
　　～売れ残りの壁～
「払わせるのは最低！」（30歳）
「ケチ」（32歳）
「何から何まで割り勘はちょっとね。銭ないなら誘わないで下さい」（32歳）
「おごれるようになってから、女性と付き合うべき」（33歳）
　　～ババァの壁～
「甲斐性がない」（36歳）
「女性としては、寂しい気持ちになります」（36歳）
「自分より年上の相手だと、一気に冷める」（36歳）
　　～人類の壁～
「遊ばれてるのかも、と思ってしまう」（39歳）
「男としてのプライドをもってほしい」（42歳）

It's really nice when the guy pays, but it really depends on the couple. As for the grabbing of the bill, it's also a Filipino custom. But never loudly... I think.

i would pay

God it is trouble paying for yourself anytime in Japan when out with friends it is like I'll pay!!!

lol. that's why i rarely go to dinner..a nice stroll by the bay walk is enough for milady.

Chivalry isn't dead. I think the man should pay because of traditionality and whatnot, but if the woman wants to pay, I won't be all that surprised in this day and age.

Yeah, I think that traditionally men should pay the dinner bill but what's wrong with turns from time to time. Still, it probably is a... no, it IS actually emabarssing to let the girl pay for the munching. OH, WAIT! They'll SHARE THE BILL EXPENSE! THAT'S IT!

id pay if its for a date, but if its one of my friends...then hell no!!! im a dead poor college student surviving on ramen :(

If the guy always has to pay for his girlfriend, how is he going to support his wife?

j/k

Depends on the relationship~ ^^;
Generally~ 50-50 or pay for their own (my) order...

I think we may have a little different approach to money here, but in general it works similar to what you have mentioned before. If its friends - the one who invites is the one who pays, whether it is a woman or man doesn`t matter. When I ask a girl on a date for the first time, I pay ofcourse, although if we start going out, we take turns in paying, or each of us pays for some different things. It`s a proof o a healthy relationship, that can`t be based on money.

Chinese families always argue for the bill because paying for the bill is a sign of wealth and generosity.

Even though some may have to struggle abit due to them not being that wealthy...its a chinese thing, face before self >_>

And if i were to go out with a girl on a date i'd pay for her as much as i can. Of course u'd start suspecting whether a girl likes u or is she just leeching u off for free food when u dun see an ounce of guilt on her when u start paying for her food and fun all the while...

initiative~ just because u're dating a gentlemen doesn't mean u absolutely HAVE to make him pay for everything thats involved with the date. Know when to share the bills <3

Anyway girls nowadays are very picky when it comes to bills, and men >_> they like to test men...<.<

I like that guys pay but sometimes I want to pay to show my appreciation for other times they have taken me out. Some guys can be downright nasty about paying for a girl so I don't EVEN go out with them. With guy friends, we take turns. If he is paying, I try to order something light or not wallet busting because I care about his money, too. Don't want him wasting heaps of it on lil ol me.

I have to find one of these for my girl friend... since Im always low on cash thanks for the info

The woman should offer to pay, but the guy should pay.

Well, i think the guy should pay, but the women shouldn't complain if the guy doesn't want to pay for her ^^

女におごってもらいたい。。。

I think a man paying is a signal he is interested in her. If he splits it it shows he just wants to be friends. Where i live anyway.