Adultery in Japan
Having hanky spanky with a person other than ones partner (married or otherwise) is known as Uwaki [浮気[うわき]] and seems to be a popular past time in Japan. The word Furin [不倫[ふりん]] means adultery.
Searches on Google bring up topics like "Is there such thing as a faithful man?" and "What percentage of married men are unfaithful" and "the probability of men having an affair before they die is 100%" and "Its in the nature of a Japanese man to have an affair."
A survey shows the following results of married men and women who want to have hanky panky with somebody other than their partner.
- Married men who want to be unfaithful - 58%
- Unmarried men who want to be unfaithful - 41%
- Married women who want to be unfaithful - 23%
- Unmarried women who want to be unfaithful - 19%
- Married men who have been unfaithful to their partner - 27%
- Unmarried men who have been unfaithful to their partner- 21%
- Married women have been unfaithful to their partner - 13%
- Unmarried women who have been unfaithful to their partner - 18%
After living in Japan for a while, you will realize how many of these posters are up on the walls here n there - its for folks who need to hire detective services.
Choose from hundreds of detective services and pay up to 85,000 yen for 5 hours of detective work.
The detective services will get one of their undercover agents to follow your partners every move - collecting data, taking pictures and video clips - the aim is to catch the culprit with their trousers down and a dolphin in somebody's....hand.
The agent captures the moment in a photo or video and hands the evidence to you with a report. This detective agency outlines the process and has a few thumbnails for you to gander at too.
If you are interested in reading about life in Japan, seeing photos taken daily around Tokyo, like Japanese subculture (anime, manga, figures, Dollfies) then you may want to start delving into the Japan or Figure categories for a start or have a gander at all photo articles.
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Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
Better be alone that to suffer... If I ever be with someone who badly wants to have a relationship with someone else, I'd radically cut ties with her, and this would be a permanent decision, no matter how painful it is. I am not to suffer for people who do not give a s*** about my feelings. No remorse or mercy on my part, then.
That is all I can say.
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
*than
Spiral Warrior
http://www.perfectdesignsense.com/martinwandering
You're right that a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your feelings is no good, but it's not always so simple. The heart can have feelings for many people, even if it's devoted to one in particular. Things can always become complicated.
Network Admin
My favorite is when those who cheat on you go and say that they still love you and they didn't want to hurt you. The last thing that was ever on their mind was you. All I can say is, "Your stuff is on the curb. Start walking."
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
It pains me to death just by reading those lines... This is the worst scenario of them all. You know, by having added insult to injury.
Network Admin
It has happened to me twice and it 100% is one the worst feelings ever. The only positive I can say about it is, you learn what the warning signs are and easily recognize them. While I haven't had a need to recognize them for my own relationships recently, it has helped a few of my friends.
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
I then hope you have recovered from the suffering, in one way or another.
Anime figure collector
Just curious, what kind of signs do they give off? I am pretty clueless on these kind of things, if you don't mind me asking.
McMaster Mechanical Engineering & Management II
http://www.virtualinfusion.net/
that's a depressing point of view :/
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
You know, I'm sick of hearing tales about jerks and unfaithful wives/husbands from people. I am not one to dedicate myself and sacrifice a lot to end with someone who would take advantage of me and backstab me.
The harshest way of seeing things, but the truth itself.
Network Architect, Administrator, Vmware Guru
http://www.finetoo.org/
There's always someone looking to make a dollar on the insecurities of others, but I didn't know that such a high volume of people surveyed WANTING to genuinely be unfaithful. That's kind of sad, if the family units in Japan are really that strained or ineffective.
I wonder why that is? I know some Japanese friends of mine find that many of the girls are brought up with a sort of 'soft' upbringing making them too passive for their liking but I don't know if this really applies?
Could the reason someone wants to risk drama by being unfaithful mean a desire for excitement?
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
Maybe traditional rules and customs are too rigid, especially when it is about showing signs of affection? This is what I place my bet on.
dannychoo.com の読者
what if you saw your candy girl or dakimakura with another man, do you need a detective?
Hikikomori in the making
http://supermariabros.deviantart.com/
LOL, that's a tough question...
hw sw engineer
http://darkfader.blogspot.com/
I'd blame that to jealousy. And then make him buy a new one.
Hikikomori in the making
http://supermariabros.deviantart.com/
One man to one woman please!
I think people, especially guys think that they could get away with anything... Like Makoto from Nice Boat, I mean School Days....
dannychoo.com の読者
excellent example to be made...
so guys, everytime you think of getting a second candy-girl or dakimakura or a real 3D girl, think of school days makoto on the boat
VF-25 Pilot. Universariate Scholar.
Heads will most definitely roll if i was ever betrayed.
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
Myself I'd simply go for a "I will survive"...
"Walk at the door... Just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore".
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
*out
Student
http://www.desangel.blogspot.com
i wonder if those detectives rely on these cases to survive
Custom Pc Builder, Muppet, Pyromaniac, Demolitions Expert, Guitar Slinger,
http://myspace.com/dyingoblivion
I would never cheat on a girl. (im a bit of a ladies man) I dont like treating people like shit unless its really called for. like when im a manager or a supervisor at work. just because i get paid more & have more responsabilities doesnt mean that i want to be treated any differently from the people im working with.
Ive had girls cheat & walk out on me plenty of times but me myself will never lower myself to other peoples standards. (I know it sounds like im really up myself but im really an alright guy - trust me)
Network Admin
I'm the same way as you. I will never cheat on someone even though it has happened to me. I have to say people like us are unfortunately in the minority.
What the hell ever happened to love and commitment?
Student (for-ev-er)
They invented 'divorce'. Honestly, some people don't want to work at relationships anymore, do they?
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
Divorce is a big no-no, not to say a taboo in Asian cultures... due to reasons of reputation (of self more even for the others).
For traditional people, better to suffer to death than to divorce.
The worse even is to remarry after.
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
I meant "reputation for self, but even more for the others'"
Yup, better not be one to screw up when living in a traditional culture, as not only you are targeted by evil gossips and insults, but your close family as well.
And death is better than losing one's reputation for them.
How do I know that? My family on my father's side, who are way too versed in that (not to say they apply it too well).
part time illustrationist, doll clothing seamstress
http://puppy52art.com/
While I'm not the most impressed that divorce rates are going up, I gotta say if a marriage isn't working out even after attempts to salvage (say after discovery of adultery on either side) maybe divorce is an answer, picking death over it is a little bit too much ^^;
I never divorced before so I don't know how it is, but I know my parents have a friend who is a divorcee, and her life seems rather hard in a way (emotionally/mentally). But getting remarried to a more suitable person should be an option no?
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
Well, hopefully people from Generation X and onwards are relatively free of constraints and external critics (or at least less tied by them) when it comes to divorce or remarriage... So it is rather good.
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
Btw chun, I was talking about ultra-conservative Asian families.
And of course death was an exaggeration, but when you are stalked and laughed upon without rest because you acted in a way that does not strictly follow the traditions... It's a bit like if you were socially dead/rejected.
part time illustrationist, doll clothing seamstress
http://puppy52art.com/
and gotcha, really sad that the ultra conservative area is causing such distress O_O;
Troubleshooter, Universal Exports
http://funkyblueame.tumblr.com/
It is still around. There are many couples that remain faithful to each other and grow old together. It is such a wonderful thing when one thinks about it too.
Infidelity and cheating has been around with us forever. It will stay with us too. There will always be someone who thinks they can find something better.
university student
http://comica23.deviantart.com
There are still people who wants to be with the only one person that they consider special. ^_^ I'm one of them, and I'm really lucky that I also found someone who is also like that.
Personally, I think that after having spent a long time together, laughed and cried together, shared so much together and made so many memories together, we will slowly became really unique and special for each other, so how can we really exchange this special person with another so easily?
But well, everyone has their preferences, and there's nothing wrong to have more partners, as long as in a couple, both parties agrees about it. Otherwise, it would be cheating, and there's nothing that can really justify it.
anime/cosplay events organizer
http://www.cosplay.ph
adultery is universal...
Service desk support
http://lookingglass.kokidokom.net
A lot of posts above, talking about throwing the adulterer out on their asses.
Not a bad idea but this is far eastern culture we're dealing with. In general, even if they find out that their spouse is cheating on them, they will stick by their partner because, in the far east, divorce is frowned apon even more so than adultery. sad but true.
In fact, so long as it doesn't change the status quo, I owuldn't be surprised if one party would turn a blind eye to it, even if it's blatantly obvious.
As for the ones who wish to commit adultery, I'd put money on saying they just think about doing it for a bit of excitement. hence, why they don't actually do it. Kinda like a wierd fantasy.
Student
yeah, most wives will turn a blind eye at their husband as long as they return home everyday and finance the household. Theres even this 'slang' proverb saying, it's ok to have the bottle go around and emptied, as long as its returned/not stolen.
Student
Oh great, Kogoro Mouri real action movie? I'll be looking forward to it!
.NET/Web Developer
http://scrumptious.animeblogger.net
That much money for just 5 hours of following someone's every move? Geez, I'd rather do it myself. At least there's no excuse when i jump in right in the middle of the action and say, "Aha! Gotcha!" LOL
Non-profit org. volunteering work addict
It is always funny to mention it, but when it happens to you you feel so shocked and dead inside you're unable to contain your sorrow or anger.
While delving on the subject, suicide or murder are not the way to go when discovering that kind of traumatic event.
What if they don't find any evidence. Is there a money-back guarantee?
CEO MIrai Inc
http://www.dannychoo.com/profile/eng/
Probably not.
オタク all day long
http://www.nekomagic.com
It's so sad that the percentage of unfaithful men/women is so high. I think I will die if I found my partner is unfaithful to me.
Student
http://yellowguy89.blogspot.com/
honestly...I dont know what I would do if I came back home from work one night and I find my wife being nailed by some other guy. I think I would just walk outside and light up a smoke.
one common thing, I think, would be is to beat up the guy, but I think fighting for a girl who isnt faithful to u isnt worth doing.
Student, Tech
One of the worst things that could happen to you, is for you to catch your loved one cheating on you. I really hope I don't have to go through that.
Dirty Gentleman
http://cantstanzya.wordpress.com/
Adultry is so prominent in Japan a friend of mine over there told me they made a tv show about it for entertainment. What happens is they interview one of the people (mostly the guy) to determine what kinda person their significant other prefers. Then they find an actor that matches the description and sets up a situation to incidently meet up with them. The actor will flirt with that person, and ask them for a date to see if they bite. If they agree, the bf/gf will show up in the middle of the date and Surprise! Heartbreak.
Don't know if its still on, and as I said its most shows have the girl getting busted as guys tend to go for the bait too often. Guess no entertainment value in that. Danny, can you confirm?
security/3d graphic artist
http://www.kennethleishman.com/
that sounds like something that would catch on here in the states... sadly.. anything to laugh at the other guy..
Troubleshooter, Universal Exports
http://funkyblueame.tumblr.com/
One pays 85,000 yen for five hours of detective work, which is pain number one. It sure will take more than five hours for the detective to do his job. Later comes pain number two when one finds out the person they trust is messing around. Well, there is no getting out of this world for free.
Look at the percentages here in Danny's post and it is us guy that need to worry the most. Men may think about it, but the women are going for it.
There is adultery in every culture.
Student
I don't think these statistics are a surprise at all when looking at Japanese culture. Like someone mentioned before, because divorce is such a taboo in Asia, committing adultery is more of an "exciting secret" if you will to Japanese men. Not to mention it's very easy to access a willing girl to pleasure you in Japan for X amount of Yen.
Also, from a sociological perspective, monogamy is unnatural. A lot of you should realize that having one partner is a man-made ideal born through religions like Christianity and such.
Putting these thoughts together and adding the stress and confinement many Japanese business men feel in in their repetitive lives (go to work, come home) it's really not such a shocking statistic.
With that said, I have to say that if my man ever cheated on me (and I found out about it), I would certainly feel awful, like he saw me as being insufficient for his sake.
NEET
http://hobbyjapan.blogspot.com/
No need, alone.
Dropping computers, starting all over again at Journalism
http://xspblog.com
For people thinking these numbers are exclusive to Japan... think again. They are probably even worse on western countries.
I have yet to reach a conclusion on those themes... marriage, divorce and cheating.
But what I do see happening a lot is couples getting married without even thinking a lot on what they are about to do.
Divorces have become so easy and normal nowadays that I even saw some people marrying thinking stuff like "if it doesn't work out, we just get a divorce and NO PROBLEMO!
Oh, I'm already 27, so I do have lots of married friends. And I must say, more than half of them already cheated their wives one way or the other.
It's really controversial... Brazil is one very catholic country, but I'd bet those statistics Danny displayed are far worse here.. I'd say the numbers are double or more that.
http://gashapons.blogspot.com/
Inded
Typographer
http://www.vicfieger.com
I just heard this story today at work: the spouses of a couple who were having an affair both hired the same investigator to follow their respective marriage partners. She got paid twice to do one job. Nice work if you can get it.
Supervisor
http://carlosmonge.blogspot.com/
OMG, you better watch your dolphin.. i mean, your back.
Watcher
Cheating in Japan is common. Almost everyone does it. As long as you don't get caught, nobody really cares. And if you do get caught. all you gotta do is say oh I'm sorry and then keep on cheating. As long as you let your partner save face, you can cheat as much as you want.
http://www.marvinryan.com
I wonder, if a married man goes to those Yakuza run places in Shibuya. do Japanese women consider that Adultery? I heard from some Japanese business acquaintances that it's not. although I have yet to ask their wives if this were true. ^^;
Software Engineer
http://www.neilduckett.com
I wonder whether the advert showing the dog refers to "watchdog" or catching a "dirty dog" that's doing the cheating.
Either way i hope i'll never have to employ their services.
Jedi 626
I'm not so naive as to believe as cheating would never happen. In fact, it's why I've dropped out of the "market" for a while -- infidelity issues on part of the other party, not me.
That said, I wonder what would be the reaction if people were openly polygamous?
Limousine Driver
Are you kidding? I'm a limousine driver. The private investigators find me to ask questions!
Visual Communications and Web 2.0
http://www.imagineboris.com
hehe, thats interesting to see posters like this. I'm glad I'm not in need of this right now hehe, cheaper to just break up then to have detective. This is something I'm more used to seen in movies or with high class people.
Student
http://www.janken.de
The question should rather be: Do I trust my wife / husband? If the answer is no, than there is something going wrong in your relationship. A simple thing like confidence in someone is a crucial thing to establish a durable relationship.
ひきこもり/Hikikomori. Suits my current state more than a 大学生/University Student. ^^
I don't think that I need to worry about adultery for now as it still seems far away from me, seeing how I'm not in any romantic relationship and still haven't found any suitable mate yet.
Full-time student へへ
http://www.kenleewrites.com
i would think that 残業 (zanngyou, overtime work) and all would tire them out... you know ^^.
Polytechnic Junior, Bronze Lifesaving Trainee, Mech Designer In-training.
http://thehangerbay.wordpress.com/
Such stuff makes up the basics of a standard evening Singaporean serial drama... but then again Singapore could use more of said services.
Art Production Manager, Computer/Graphic Design Tutor
http://www.studioartmix.com/cosplay
Adultery...I hate to say...is male human nature.
freelance photographer
http://www.jorgehinojosa.spaces.live.com
"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
Mercenary
http://www.sevententotokyo.com
I figure less than 50 percent of couples who are married have any business being so (not scientifically concluded or anything, just a gut feeling). If the divorce rates in most develped countries level out at around 50 percent, then I guess my insticts are right.
medicine student & otaku
nooo i dont need a detective hehe i broke up with my girlfriend 1 month ago
Engineer by day, Otaku by night
I like it!
Student
The results are really shocking. I can't belive that there are really so many unfaithful people. If women would make the highest rate then, it would be a little understandible because japanese men work a lot, but it's really suprising that men have highest. Well, sure japanese women are really loyal. ^^ But what are the men doing? They want something new? I can't understand.
フリー漫画家
http://mangayomo.com/member/tofu
探偵サービスが多いとしたら、それはほとんど、浮気調査かもしれないｗｗ