Japan brings us the future. The future is here.
The Flip Hole is the latest product by Tenga. If you don't know what a Tenga is then
Lookie here. Those who are familiar with Tenga will know that it is a health care product for pet dolphins. As you know, dolphins need to be waxed regularly to keep them alive and healthy.
Up until now, the previous versions of Tenga were single-use which meant every time one wanted to wax thier dolphin, one would need to need to fork out
1,000 yen per session. I'm guessing that some folks may have reused their previous Tenga more than once but that would have lead to an unhealthy dolphin which has no hope of
saving sperm whales.
This Tenga however is different. Not only is the
Flip Hole reusable, its cunningly disguised as a thermal detonator.
Below: The Flip Hole contains state of the art Japanese technology to ensure that ones dolphin maintains optimum health. For example, in the event that ones dolphin starts to foam at the mouth, the "Shield Flap" will ensure that the foam stays in the inner chamber.
When ones dolphin docks with the inner chamber, the "Vacuum Pump" will suck ones dolphin into docking position using turbine engines while the "Side Rib" and "Wing Gate" sensors interface with the surface of the dolphin to help with the process of waxing and check for structural damage.
Below: This is a cross section of the other side of the Flip Hole which contains more quantum leaping technologies. The "Quattro Wave" section ensures even lubrication of the liquid used with the device and emits a plasmatic "Quattro Wave" to communicate with the dolphin. As you know, its important that one regularly talks to their dolphin during the waxing process. Anybody here guilty of not speaking to their dolphins?
The "Lip Flap" applies constant pressure to the tail of the dolphin and when used after a while, the dolphin gains strength in the tail enabling the owner to control the dolphin guiding it left, right, up and down and extract/detract at will.
The "End Orbs" clamp on to the head of the dolphin which relay vital signs and that are transmitted by BlueTooth to your computer. The orbs also act as a motion capture unit and sends the motion coordinates in that BlueTooth signal. One can then use the motion capture data to make a 3D version of the dolphin and render it as a YouTube movie or even wallpaper - clever stuff.
The most advanced item of technology in the Flip Hole chamber is the "Click Orb" that is made of material mined from the fifth moon orbiting the remote planet of Taurus. It relays a telepathic image of the dolphins into the owners mind so the owner can be sure that the dolphin is alive and well during the waxing process.
And here are the instructions for using the Flip Hole.
Below: Remove main chamber from the mother dock. Apply waxing lubrication.
Below: Re-dock the main chamber and insert dolphin. Proceed with waxing.
Below: Once dolphin has been treated, remove dolphin, un-dock and wash the inner chamber of any foam that the dolphin may have emitted from its mouth due to the side effects of anti gravitational forces.
Once washed, the inner chamber can be placed on the mother dock in the satellite position to dry.
Below: When I first saw these holes I thought they were windows so that one could see their dolphin in the process of being waxed in the chamber but then realized that the telepathic Click Orb does that.
These circles are actually SPFP's or "Silver Plate Floating Pads." The middle plate increases vacuum pressure within the chamber, while the top and bottom plates apply pressure to the head or tail of the dolphin - again, one should consult with ones dolphin before using the plates.
Below: There are three types of lubricants available for to be used in the inner chamber - "mild", "real" and "wild" - consult with your dolphin before use.
And how much does all this technology cost? A mere $99 USD from
Kanojo Toys. Are you ready to Bala Ba Ba Ba?
All information in this post has been translated as accutrately as possible from the
official page for this product.
