Better be alone that to suffer... If I ever be with someone who badly wants to have a relationship with someone else, I'd radically cut ties with her, and this would be a permanent decision, no matter how painful it is. I am not to suffer for people who do not give a s*** about my feelings. No remorse or mercy on my part, then. That is all I can say.
*than
You're right that a relationship with someone who doesn't care about your feelings is no good, but it's not always so simple. The heart can have feelings for many people, even if it's devoted to one in particular. Things can always become complicated.
My favorite is when those who cheat on you go and say that they still love you and they didn't want to hurt you. The last thing that was ever on their mind was you. All I can say is, "Your stuff is on the curb. Start walking."
It pains me to death just by reading those lines... This is the worst scenario of them all. You know, by having added insult to injury.
It has happened to me twice and it 100% is one the worst feelings ever. The only positive I can say about it is, you learn what the warning signs are and easily recognize them. While I haven't had a need to recognize them for my own relationships recently, it has helped a few of my friends.
I then hope you have recovered from the suffering, in one way or another.
Just curious, what kind of signs do they give off? I am pretty clueless on these kind of things, if you don't mind me asking.
that's a depressing point of view :/
You know, I'm sick of hearing tales about jerks and unfaithful wives/husbands from people. I am not one to dedicate myself and sacrifice a lot to end with someone who would take advantage of me and backstab me. The harshest way of seeing things, but the truth itself.
There's always someone looking to make a dollar on the insecurities of others, but I didn't know that such a high volume of people surveyed WANTING to genuinely be unfaithful. That's kind of sad, if the family units in Japan are really that strained or ineffective. I wonder why that is? I know some Japanese friends of mine find that many of the girls are brought up with a sort of 'soft' upbringing making them too passive for their liking but I don't know if this really applies? Could the reason someone wants to risk drama by being unfaithful mean a desire for excitement?
Maybe traditional rules and customs are too rigid, especially when it is about showing signs of affection? This is what I place my bet on.
what if you saw your candy girl or dakimakura with another man, do you need a detective?
LOL, that's a tough question...
I'd blame that to jealousy. And then make him buy a new one.
One man to one woman please! I think people, especially guys think that they could get away with anything... Like Makoto from Nice Boat, I mean School Days....
excellent example to be made... so guys, everytime you think of getting a second candy-girl or dakimakura or a real 3D girl, think of school days makoto on the boat
Heads will most definitely roll if i was ever betrayed.
Myself I'd simply go for a "I will survive"... "Walk at the door... Just turn around now, you're not welcome anymore".
*out
i wonder if those detectives rely on these cases to survive
I would never cheat on a girl. (im a bit of a ladies man) I dont like treating people like shit unless its really called for. like when im a manager or a supervisor at work. just because i get paid more & have more responsabilities doesnt mean that i want to be treated any differently from the people im working with. Ive had girls cheat & walk out on me plenty of times but me myself will never lower myself to other peoples standards. (I know it sounds like im really up myself but im really an alright guy - trust me)
I'm the same way as you. I will never cheat on someone even though it has happened to me. I have to say people like us are unfortunately in the minority.
What the hell ever happened to love and commitment?
They invented 'divorce'. Honestly, some people don't want to work at relationships anymore, do they?
Divorce is a big no-no, not to say a taboo in Asian cultures... due to reasons of reputation (of self more even for the others). For traditional people, better to suffer to death than to divorce. The worse even is to remarry after.
I meant "reputation for self, but even more for the others'" Yup, better not be one to screw up when living in a traditional culture, as not only you are targeted by evil gossips and insults, but your close family as well. And death is better than losing one's reputation for them. How do I know that? My family on my father's side, who are way too versed in that (not to say they apply it too well).
While I'm not the most impressed that divorce rates are going up, I gotta say if a marriage isn't working out even after attempts to salvage (say after discovery of adultery on either side) maybe divorce is an answer, picking death over it is a little bit too much ^^; I never divorced before so I don't know how it is, but I know my parents have a friend who is a divorcee, and her life seems rather hard in a way (emotionally/mentally). But getting remarried to a more suitable person should be an option no?
Well, hopefully people from Generation X and onwards are relatively free of constraints and external critics (or at least less tied by them) when it comes to divorce or remarriage... So it is rather good.
Btw chun, I was talking about ultra-conservative Asian families. And of course death was an exaggeration, but when you are stalked and laughed upon without rest because you acted in a way that does not strictly follow the traditions... It's a bit like if you were socially dead/rejected.
and gotcha, really sad that the ultra conservative area is causing such distress O_O;
It is still around. There are many couples that remain faithful to each other and grow old together. It is such a wonderful thing when one thinks about it too. Infidelity and cheating has been around with us forever. It will stay with us too. There will always be someone who thinks they can find something better.
There are still people who wants to be with the only one person that they consider special. ^_^ I'm one of them, and I'm really lucky that I also found someone who is also like that. Personally, I think that after having spent a long time together, laughed and cried together, shared so much together and made so many memories together, we will slowly became really unique and special for each other, so how can we really exchange this special person with another so easily? But well, everyone has their preferences, and there's nothing wrong to have more partners, as long as in a couple, both parties agrees about it. Otherwise, it would be cheating, and there's nothing that can really justify it.
adultery is universal...
A lot of posts above, talking about throwing the adulterer out on their asses. Not a bad idea but this is far eastern culture we're dealing with. In general, even if they find out that their spouse is cheating on them, they will stick by their partner because, in the far east, divorce is frowned apon even more so than adultery. sad but true. In fact, so long as it doesn't change the status quo, I owuldn't be surprised if one party would turn a blind eye to it, even if it's blatantly obvious. As for the ones who wish to commit adultery, I'd put money on saying they just think about doing it for a bit of excitement. hence, why they don't actually do it. Kinda like a wierd fantasy.
yeah, most wives will turn a blind eye at their husband as long as they return home everyday and finance the household. Theres even this 'slang' proverb saying, it's ok to have the bottle go around and emptied, as long as its returned/not stolen.
Oh great, Kogoro Mouri real action movie? I'll be looking forward to it!
That much money for just 5 hours of following someone's every move? Geez, I'd rather do it myself. At least there's no excuse when i jump in right in the middle of the action and say, "Aha! Gotcha!" LOL
It is always funny to mention it, but when it happens to you you feel so shocked and dead inside you're unable to contain your sorrow or anger. While delving on the subject, suicide or murder are not the way to go when discovering that kind of traumatic event.
What if they don't find any evidence. Is there a money-back guarantee?
Probably not.
It's so sad that the percentage of unfaithful men/women is so high. I think I will die if I found my partner is unfaithful to me.
honestly...I dont know what I would do if I came back home from work one night and I find my wife being nailed by some other guy. I think I would just walk outside and light up a smoke. one common thing, I think, would be is to beat up the guy, but I think fighting for a girl who isnt faithful to u isnt worth doing.
One of the worst things that could happen to you, is for you to catch your loved one cheating on you. I really hope I don't have to go through that.
Adultry is so prominent in Japan a friend of mine over there told me they made a tv show about it for entertainment. What happens is they interview one of the people (mostly the guy) to determine what kinda person their significant other prefers. Then they find an actor that matches the description and sets up a situation to incidently meet up with them. The actor will flirt with that person, and ask them for a date to see if they bite. If they agree, the bf/gf will show up in the middle of the date and Surprise! Heartbreak. Don't know if its still on, and as I said its most shows have the girl getting busted as guys tend to go for the bait too often. Guess no entertainment value in that. Danny, can you confirm?
that sounds like something that would catch on here in the states... sadly.. anything to laugh at the other guy..
One pays 85,000 yen for five hours of detective work, which is pain number one. It sure will take more than five hours for the detective to do his job. Later comes pain number two when one finds out the person they trust is messing around. Well, there is no getting out of this world for free. Look at the percentages here in Danny's post and it is us guy that need to worry the most. Men may think about it, but the women are going for it.
There is adultery in every culture.
I don't think these statistics are a surprise at all when looking at Japanese culture. Like someone mentioned before, because divorce is such a taboo in Asia, committing adultery is more of an "exciting secret" if you will to Japanese men. Not to mention it's very easy to access a willing girl to pleasure you in Japan for X amount of Yen. Also, from a sociological perspective, monogamy is unnatural. A lot of you should realize that having one partner is a man-made ideal born through religions like Christianity and such. Putting these thoughts together and adding the stress and confinement many Japanese business men feel in in their repetitive lives (go to work, come home) it's really not such a shocking statistic. With that said, I have to say that if my man ever cheated on me (and I found out about it), I would certainly feel awful, like he saw me as being insufficient for his sake.
No need, alone.
For people thinking these numbers are exclusive to Japan... think again. They are probably even worse on western countries. I have yet to reach a conclusion on those themes... marriage, divorce and cheating. But what I do see happening a lot is couples getting married without even thinking a lot on what they are about to do. Divorces have become so easy and normal nowadays that I even saw some people marrying thinking stuff like "if it doesn't work out, we just get a divorce and NO PROBLEMO! Oh, I'm already 27, so I do have lots of married friends. And I must say, more than half of them already cheated their wives one way or the other. It's really controversial... Brazil is one very catholic country, but I'd bet those statistics Danny displayed are far worse here.. I'd say the numbers are double or more that.
Inded
I just heard this story today at work: the spouses of a couple who were having an affair both hired the same investigator to follow their respective marriage partners. She got paid twice to do one job. Nice work if you can get it.
OMG, you better watch your dolphin.. i mean, your back.
Cheating in Japan is common. Almost everyone does it. As long as you don't get caught, nobody really cares. And if you do get caught. all you gotta do is say oh I'm sorry and then keep on cheating. As long as you let your partner save face, you can cheat as much as you want.
I wonder, if a married man goes to those Yakuza run places in Shibuya. do Japanese women consider that Adultery? I heard from some Japanese business acquaintances that it's not. although I have yet to ask their wives if this were true. ^^;
